Dreams

Most kids have huge imaginations when they are younger. Those imaginations can last indefinitely, but as kids grow up, they start to think about ways that their dreams could come true. For instance, I love to read a book and imagine myself as the character so that I can better understand the story and the characters. Unfortunately, I also begin to wonder what life would be like if I actually was able to enter the world in the book. I imagine the struggles I would undertake and how I would survive in the world of fantasy. My diabetes seems to come into play a lot recently with each book I read and each world I imagine visiting. If I were to say, travel into the world of Harry Potter, I would be fine because it is based in recent years where the technology for insulin pumps and such were invented. If I were to travel to the world of Narnia however, they wouldn't have the technology in Narnia. I would die within days. Now, even though this is all fantasy and imagination, it's still a huge thing to think about, at least for me. Traveling to different worlds from stories is what I love to fantasize about, some people my age might fantasize about their future jobs or becoming a famous football player or model, but I fantasize about books. To have those fantasies crushed by diabetes is too hard to accept, so I have to improvise. If I am going to a book full of magic, I like to think that I can be cured of my diabetes for good, or that in the realm of books, diabetes doesn't exist. Yet, somehow, diabetes always manages to seep back into my dreams. Unfortunately, this is just one thing that I, as a diabetic, must deal with. I don't know if other diabetics deal with dreams and imagination, but I'm sure they have their own struggles as everyone does. I like to think that if I didn't have diabetes, my life would be easy, but really, besides finger pricks and injections, would it really make me happier? Maybe, but I can't know until I am cured.

Misunderstood

At some point in everyones lives, there comes a time when you feel alone. Not just the empty room alone, but the room full of people alone, where you think no one understands you. If you've been lucky enough to never have had this feeling, then savor it. I've had this feeling so many times I've lost count. Most of the time it's because something happens having to do with my type 1 diabetes. Tonight, I had just gotten home from a birthday party with all my friends, I was so happy and just content with life. Then I got into a conversation with my mom about when I could get my next insulin pump. For some reason, the whole conversation just annoyed me. I had just changed my insulin site and my insulin reservoir in my pump, and I think that it all got the best of me. I went upstairs to my room, and bent over to pick something off my floor. While I was doing this I pulled my insulin site and then I broke. How does anyone expect a teenager to deal with all of life's problems and then grow up with diabetes?  I think that it's hardest at school when I get the questions. There are the classic remarks such as, "What's on your arm?" Sometimes the person asking uses a snotty "I know everything" voice, and sometimes the person is genuinely interested and I appreciate when they are. But the other day I got a new remark. A girl whose locker is next to mine lightly bumped into me as I was putting my jacket on and said, "Oh my god! Are you ok? I get so nervous around you and I don't want to hurt your tubing thing. I would just die if I pulled it out of your arm!" I almost punched her. She would die? Try living with it.
What am I supposed to do in those situations? I guess even if someone were to tell me the answer, I wouldn't listen. It's one of those uncomfortable situations that you have to deal with on your own, even though it may be hard. As a diabetic in middle school, sometimes theres the prejudice about how all younger people think that diabetes means being over weight or pregnant. So it can sometimes be hard, especially because I know that type 1 and type 2 diabetes are both extremely hard diseases to deal with, and some people don't understand that, they think it's a joke but it's not, it's real. I am living proof. Not just of the disease, but of the struggles and overcoming them.

Thanksgiving

As a type 1 diabetic, it may sometimes seem as if there is not much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. The question comes to my mind of why me? Why was I diagnosed and not someone else? I don't remember being especially bad when I was little, so why would some greater power want to punish me with this permanent disease? While I think of this, I feel it may be unfair for me to be complaining. I have relative control of my diabetes, and sure, people do sometimes ask rude questions and make rude remarks, but if that is what I have to suffer, then it's not half bad. There are kids my age in the world who don't even have the option to go the doctor every 3 months. So the fact that I have to, maybe isn't as annoying as I sometimes think it to be. This Thanksgiving I tried to forget about my diabetes. I was even told that "Carbs don't count on Thanksgiving." I wish that were true, but in a way it can. If I accept who I am, and recognize everything good in my life, then the fact that carbs are always on my mind, doesn't have to be a punishment. It can just be one more thing to be thankful for.